The shockingly shitty dates of Tinder: How you can swipe right on ‘the one’ instantly

Image Source: The Sun

By Chrystianna Konidis | @ckonidis

If you think you have been on a bad Tinder date and have a wickedly bizarre story to tell, think again.

The majority of young people have tried the notorious dating app Tinder or something similar at some point.

But what actually goes down after endless scrolling and judging appearances, to finally going on that date with a stranger you’ve found online (something I was always warned was dangerous and definitely stranger danger as a child)?

Once you’ve downloaded the app and thrown in some pretty decent or ridiculous looking photos of you and your mates (without disclosure of which person you are in the photos), there comes a presumptuous train of thought of “what do I actually want to get out of this?”

For those who can’t quite piece together why Tinder has become the latest dating app craze: some of us join the app looking for some excitement and a bit of fun – as many Tinder users disclose in their profile bios, and for others, they join the dating app in hopes of finding a long-term partner or even a friend.

But no matter how much you wish you could just swipe right on the ‘right one’ on your first time using Tinder, its not always such an easy journey.

For many, Tinder has become a training ground in the world of allthings dating and has become a mass-experiment, to learn about the right and wrong things to do on a date.

For some, it becomes a customary practice of texting your friend in the toilet to come and rescue you from a horror encounter with the stranger you’ve just met online, who has taken a few bites from your dinner plate without your explicit permission.

Going on one or many Tinder dates is bound to leave a trail of some of the weirdest, downright rudest, and funniest eye-opening experiences with strangers you’ve internally judged and partially trusted would have a great connection with you, but end up leaving you depressed about how awful the human race can be when on a date.

You don’t ever really expect that after investing in an online conversation with someone you find physically attractive from their hand-picked selection of online photos (and a cheeky Instagram stalk), that the result of agreeing to meet up with them could end so bizarrely bad.

Whether you meet someone through Tinder or through a rare inperson encounter (who has those these days?), the result of a flopped date can make you feel like there is no hope left in the world.

But where do you turn to with a lifetime of scarring and downright repulsive dating stories?

Look no further than Bad Dates of Melbourne and Bad Dates of Australia, one of the largest collective Australian Facebook pages dedicated to sharing the good, bad and ugly of dating stories.

The creator behind this insanely successful crowdsourcing of dating stories, Alita Brydon (Ali), 33, who has had her own fair share of “funny bad date stories” and has been previously banned from Tinder, came up with the page after people started writing in with their own experiences involving shitty Tinder dates.

“Pretty much everyone has been on a bad date and when it happens, it can be deflating,” Ali said.

Turning that feeling of disappointment into laughter feels absolutely terrific.

“Sometimes you find support in tough times, from people you don’t even know.”

But if you think a bad date consists of being ‘ghosted’ at an expensive restaurant with a hefty bill to pay or being stood up at a concert, the genius page ‘Bad Dates of Melbourne is about to open your eyes to a whole other world of shitty dates.

When I say shitty, I mean it.

“The colour of romance isn’t pink – it’s brown.”

 Alita Brydon

Who would have thought that humans could ever be so nasty, and almost incapable of excreting various bodily liquids into a basin, rather than a stranger’s bed?

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To be able to have the confidence to dob an ex or ex-potential partner in for such crappy dating behaviour must take some real guts, but Ali said her online family proudly bonds together over such unimaginable disaster dating scenarios.

“There’s a sense of community on BDOM and BDOA and the followers of the pages know each other, laugh with each other and support each other,” she said.

It’s such a great vibe – and I’m privileged to play the role of creator. 

“I think they’ve also bonded over the realisation that people are frequently pooing their pants on dates.

The colour of romance isn’t pink – it’s brown.”

The tales of thousands of bad dates of Australians that are published to Bad Dates of Melbourne and Australia are often arresting but always factual.

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You would never really think that a clash of meat lovers and vegans would become such a detrimental fact in the result of a Tinder date, but it can definitely produce some soul-crushing and empty stomach results. 

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But seriously, if you have become crushed by the lack of humanity in, I am here to remind you there can be a pot at the end of the dating rainbow for you too:

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So what is the Tinder life-hack to avoid wasting hours on end swiping left and deleting accounts because you’ve given up?

Ali shares her top three no-nos of tinder dating that we should all avoid:

1. Dating is a game that should be played with your head as well as your heart. Play it safe in the bedroom and always demand respect. You deserve it. Walking away is powerful and you shouldn’t be afraid to do it when you feel uncomfortable.

2. Turning up late. It isn’t really acceptable without a compelling excuse. Be on time. Personally, if the date is more than 15 minutes late without a reasonable explanation, it’s a no from me. Sounds harsh – but you should date people who value your time – and a major red flag.

3. Don’t use a fish photo in your dating profile. I left-swiped on 16 dudes holding a fish today. Unfortunately, I’ve never achieved arousal from a slimy sea dweller with a hook in its mouth. Call me old fashioned! I’m waiting for my Tinder matches to catch up with what women really want and put some chicken nugget pics in their bios. I’d swipe right on that. Hard.

“Our generation doesn’t need to find a partner to be happy – we’re all good dating and living life.”

– Alita Brydon

Whether Tinder has become a daily ritual or you’re contemplating to try the app for the first time, Ali said there’s no rush on finding someone as dating apps will more than likely stick around for a while.

“People have got more romantic choice than ever before and with dating apps are meeting people who traditionally would be outside their regular social sphere,” she said.

I think people will be marrying later – if at all – and embracing the single life.

“Our generation doesn’t need to find a partner to be happy – we’re all good dating and living life.

“Also, I think we’re going to become more accepting of paying for dating apps, it’s a worthwhile investment.”

But now that you have hit the ultimate Australian bad dates online jackpot, enjoy spending the rest of your cyber days hooked on the shocking, and sometimes shitty experiences of people riding the rollercoaster we know as Tinder.

Have you got a cracker bad date story that is dying to be shared?

Submit to Bad Dates of Adelaide or Australia.

 

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